Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
