So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Terrible idea I love it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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