From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
