I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
