woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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