Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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