Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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