Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
