I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just blew my weed a kiss
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
MIDGETS
????
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
