Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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