this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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