3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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