Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
