I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My penis needs a shock collar
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
