Barsexuality is the new black.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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