I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
