Jerry, you need to find god
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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