Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
