he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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