dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
