Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
