Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What a dumb baby whore.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
