I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
