I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
