I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
