Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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