Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
