Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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