Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
