If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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