i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
