12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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