when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize