Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
