can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
