Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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