I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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