After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
