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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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