You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize