You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
