I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
