I'm going to jail i love you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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