I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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