I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
