She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
