She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
