I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i out mim tonsoeep
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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