Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
