non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
