I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
