look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize