So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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