I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
