I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
