Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
