Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
