That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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