Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
