I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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