i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
