But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
