1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
