i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
