I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
