So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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