But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize