i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
