She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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