My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
