oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
