I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize