So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
