Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
