Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
