i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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