Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
