Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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